Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 7 May 2009

image for Britney Spears Fan Jumps On Stage: Turns Out It's Lindsay Lohan!
Britney Spears performing on Meet The Press (photo courtesy of David Gregory)

LOS ANGELES - It turns out that the crazed fan who jumped on stage during Britney Spears' Los Angeles concert performance was none other than actress Lindsay Lohan.

Lilo, who was disguised as a male told Los Angeles sheriff's deputies that ever since being dumped by DJ gal pal Samantha Ronson she has developed a secret crush on Britney Spears.

Miss Lohan was taken down to police headquarters, photographed, (her mug shot can be seen on U-InnerTube), finger printed, strip searched, and placed in a jail cell with three hookers, a Hooter's girl, and an ex-Laker's girl.

Lohan who says that she has been very depressed over her recent break up was quickly voted "The Girl With The Prettiest Butt" by the other five cell mates.

Lindsay's attorney Kendra Sequoia was asked how Miss Lohan was doing and she replied that she was doing okay except for the fact that sheriff's deputies had strip searched her a total of seven times in just one hour.

Ms. Sequoia added that when she was in the holding cell with the other five girls that she was again strip searched a total of five times by her cell mates.

Lohan's lawyer remarked that since her client has been in trouble several times before, it really looks like this time Lilo is headed for the Big House.

Sequoia has informed her client that a lot of people do not like her and it's not because of her carpet munching but because she tends to be very conceited, arrogant, sarcastic, egotistical, and a little forgetful.

The way it looks now, Lindsay Lohan will probably go to trial and end up being sentenced to at least 10 years in prison.

Sequoia conveyed to the media that she recently spoke with Kershaw K. Pershing, who is the executive director of The Zasu Pitts Prison For Women, located just outside of Sausalito.

Pershing told Ms. Sequoia that he will be making special arrangements to have Miss Lohan incarcerated at Zasu Pitts.

Sequoia stated that Pershing told her off-the-record that he will personally see to it that Miss Lohan has access to a list with about 4,000 female inmate names from which she will be able to choose someone to replace her ex-partner Samantha Ronson.

In other news. Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has just released her fifth book. It is entitled, Puffed Rice, and deals with the rumors that Miss Rice had a tremendous ego.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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