The porcine generated influenza that is currently threatening the health of the whole wide world that we thought was in the great big hands of "He that many of us used to believe in", is defying cure and treatment. Fever, chills, nausea, vomiting and the heart break of psoriasis have been plaguing flu infected victims across the globe.
Mass pig slaughter has done little except lower pork chop prices. Face masks have only helped the homely. School closings have advanced the cause of illiteracy but has had little effect on health. Medicines might have helped millions of flu sufferers but the world wide epidemic has coincided with the world wide depression so no one can afford treatment.
The only hopeful sign amid the plethora of failed solutions has come from an obscure lab in Alaska. Part time influenza researcher and full time Governor Sarah Palin has offered her own experience as a possible proof for swine flu treatment:
"May I suggest that swine flu sufferers and those seeking to protect themselves from the influenza infection might try sucking some moose cock. Look at me, I'm the picture of health!"