Written by Jalapenoman
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Tuesday, 5 May 2009

image for Former President George W. Bush Accepts Employment Opportunity
"The special sauce is really Thousand Island Dressing, but don't print that," said Bush.

George W. Bush announced from his Crawford ranch today that he has accepted gainful employment to help pay for the cost of his Secret Service Detail. He did such as he did not want to be a burden on the tax payers. The former President of the United States has now been out of office for just over 100 days, but will still receive a Secret Service detail as long as he lives.

Bush will begin work Monday at the Crawford McDonalds and will wear the Ronald McDonald costume.

When asked why he accepted the position, he was positive and thrilled in his answers:

"Because I get to be the one to blow up the balloons and I can breathe the helium and talk in a squeaky voice. I love to do the Munchkin song when I do that. We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild....you know, that one!"

"Also, I get free Cokes and french fries and they've got a playground with slides and a ball pit."

"I buried myself in the ball pit the other day after my interview and the Secret Service guys almost went nutso trying to find me. They were climbing through the little tunnels in their suits and didn't even take off their shoes first. They had the french fry guy up against the shake machine with his legs spread and everything!"

"I also get to stand by the freezer and watch the girls come out. The manager wore a white shirt and it was pretty obvious that she was braless because those headlights were really burning bright! I wouldn't print that if I were you, because Mommy might not like it that I looked at a girl's boobies."

"All Dick Cheney is doin' is goin' around and speechifying. I get to wear a red wig and funny shoes, so we all know who's got it best!"

At minimum wage for 40 hours a week, the former President will pay off less than 1% of his Secret Service Detail's expenses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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