Written by Phil Edgar's Bones
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Sunday, 3 May 2009

image for Kirstie Alley Fat Yet Again - From Eye-Candy to John Candy in two years!
Not being able to put down the fork or anything else -Kirstie has quadrupled in size!

The lovely Kirstie Alley has piled on the pounds and kilos and had to be crane lifted into the studio to chat to her pal Oprah. Ms Alley warned Oprah about the sins of over-eating. Which is a bit like Oliver Reed warning Richard Burton and George Best about booze.

Last time she was on the show the audience groaned with delight at the sight of Kirstie's Hot Mamma body, but the only groaning came from the stage, straining not to collapse, while supporting Kirstie's bulky frame.

"Kirstie Alley has the misfortune to still look great regardless of her weight" said an audience member, who believes people give a damn about a no-marks point of view. Onlookers said "Ms Alley still looked quite fetching and the remains of her attractive features were visible in the solid block of fat- which is now her face".

Another member of the audience remarked "All the skinny actresses age terribly, but Kirstie has managed to stave of wrinkles by inviting heart disease and diabetes and I personally think that should be applauded"

Oprah was sympathetic to the end, but you could see the look of 'I can't believe your not pure butter in her eyes'. Kirstie was the spokesperson for some diet industry group, but no longer represents them, this is nothing to do with the fact she is now fatter than Norm from Cheers.

Miss Alley told Oprah, she will be "Getting slim yet again ..... and she "would like Michelle Obama's arms." To which Oprah replied "Deep-fried or baked".

"Of course Oprah didn't really say this, she actually looked even more sympathetic -if that is possible for a human to do. But the audience could tell she was thinking it" said a camera-man from the 'Rickie Lake' show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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