Washington [UPI] - A sudden increase in the number of paper cuts sustained by harried administrative staff in national parks has prompted President Obama to ask Treasury to earmark 1 billion dollars in emergency federal funding to, as the President puts it.."...stem the tide before it becomes a flood.'
"The numbers speak for themselves. A 400% increase, almost overnight, in the number of paper cuts in one department: ONE DEPARTMENT, of the government, could only mean one thing: ONE THING. We've got to be proactive: PROACTIVE, in, first, acknowledging we have a problem, and second, finding a solution to the problem."
"I believe this emergency funding will be the FIRST step in a series of......STEPS...that will bring the number of paper cuts down to an agreed upon acceptable level; one that all parties can be comfortable with. And I mean ALL PARTIES."
A non-partisan committee, the 'We've Got To Divvy Up The Green Stuff And Spread It Around Before We Spend It All On Failing Businesses' committee had hammered out a proposal in the afternoon and presented their findings to the President while he was watching 'The View'. Congress is expected to vote on the funding in an extended sitting this evening.