Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 30 April 2009

image for Swine Flu Causes Mexico To Shut Down All Cockfights
Mexican President Nacho Winslow changing the spark plugs on his 1997 Chevy Impala

MEXICO CITY - The president of Mexico Nacho Winslow has mandated that due to the swine flu epidemic all cockfights, legal or illegal will be immediately terminated.

Winslow spoke with Mango Rio Grande, the director of the The Mexican Cockfighting League (MCL), and he told him that he had decided to cancel the remainder of the cockfighting season.

Rio Grande was not a happy camper to say the least. He accused the Mexican president of playing politics and remarked that Winslow was just getting back at him because he did not vote for him in the last election.

Winslow reminded him that he won the election in a landslide 18,321,904 to 7 vote so in reality his one freakin' vote didn't really freakin' matter one freakin' way or another.

Rio Grande then asked President Winslow to explain to him what in the world cockfighting had to do with the swine flu.

The president replied that a lot of the cock owners generally feed their fighting cocks as much as 17 strips of bacon a day to help give them that competitive cock edge as well as that first class cock stamina.

He also added that filet mignon-raised cocks are also much more apt to fight much harder and longer when they find themselves cornered in a tough cock-to-cock fight.

Rio Grande angrily told President Winslow that he was mistaken and that he really did not know the first thing about cocks.

The president lost his patience and he commanded that his three bodyguards, Pepe, Tino, and Hirosaki take Mr. Rio Grande into custody.

Placido Palapa, who is Mango Rio Grande's lawyer, said that his client is reportedly resting uncomfortably in a 2 foot by 3 foot dirt-floor cell in Mexico's notorious Mr. Pancho Villa Third-Rate National Prison.

Prison Warden Bernardo Pistola-Wesson said that at the request of President Winslow, Senor Rio Grande, who is now known as Inmate Numero 998314690323, is being fed three-day old tacos made from cockfight losers which he is allowed to drink down with spoiled pigpen water.

Pistola-Wesson said that it is his understanding that Rio Grande received a prison sentence of 1,500 years.

Attorney Palapa asked about parole for his client and Warden Pistola-Wesson told him that his client will not be getting any rolls and that he should be happy as a Chihuahua loose in a perro (dog) biscuit factory that he is being given the leftover tortillas that the customers of the Taco Bell that is located across the street from the prison do not eat.

In related news. Patty Paso Doble owner of Patty's Pinata Plants has just stated that each one of her four factory plants located in Puebla, Poza Rica, Piedras Negras, and Pachuca will no longer be manufacturing swine pinatas or pinatas with the likenesses of Porky Pig, Babe The Pig, Arnold Ziffel, the Three Little Pigs, Miss Piggy, or Wynonna Judd.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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