The Swine Flu epidemic has reached Mexico and the United States. This new mutated strand of influenza starts as a normal flu, then turns fat people the rest of the way into pigs, after eating like pigs for a generation.
Experts say it is not by accident that the new swine flu broke out in the United States and Mexico, with so many illegals here, because the average American weighs at least 15 pounds more than they did a short twenty years ago.
Along with the above many began placing rings into their snouts, wearing stilleto heels and having their hair shaved short. Along with the big bellies or "Porkers", the United States and Mexico have been turning into pigs for some time, it simply took the flu to bring it out.
Now the whole world in in the grip of fear as worried fatties from Briton to Germany take a look at their growing guts in the mirror.
This flu over the last twenty years has waited and mutated, mixing with human and avian viruses, watching pound after pound come forth, to create a new and more dangerous Swine Flu.
Doctors say this strand of flu begins with typical symptoms, such as sneezing, fever and lethargy, but soon makes humans grow even larger guts, squeal when having sex or whenever Wally World is out of their favorite cola or when your energy bill arrives! Then their noses befin to turn up and the sneezing and snorting starts.
The Center for Disease Control is looking to contain the outbreak and the studying of its effects.
"The biggest threat right now is panic," said CDC spokesman Arnold Ziffel "The main thing is not to panic. That's why I'm heading for far northern Alaska. If I stay here, I just know I'll panic. I think I already am."
Meanwhile, police are being trained to prepare for quarantines and learning how to round up and isolate those with the virus by having farmers show them how to yell, "Suuuuueeey! Suueeeey! PIG! PIG!"