Written by NickFun
Print this

Friday, 24 April 2009

image for Obama Makes GPS Devices Mandatory
This is one of only two Obama pictures available for Spoof writers. The other shows Hillary...don't get me started.

(United States of America) President Barack Obama announced today that part of his national crime fighting efforts will involve outfitting every vehicle in the country with Global Positioning System (GPS) devices to track motorists wherever they may be.

Obama explained that Local Police, FBI, Homeland Security and other law enforcement agencies will now be able to track vehicles to cut down on crime.

Local Police will be able to monitor the exact location of every vehicle and will be able to catch speeders and traffic violators more easily. The moment a vehicle exceeds the speed limit, swerves into the wrong lane, makes an illegal turn or engages in any type of motor vehicle violation, the police will be notified and citations issued.

"We anticipate this making us lots and lots of money", said Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton. "And we'll be able to use our officers more effectively for catching bad guys like prostitutes and drug users".

Bratton also explained that knowing the location of every vehicle would help law enforcement catch killers and rapists by showing exactly where they were at the time of the crime.

"As technology advances, someday people won't be able to get away with anything", Bratton rejoiced.

Homeland Security Chief Mike McConnell also approved of the new GPS requirement claiming that terrorists would not be able to hide.

"This technology should help to eliminate terrorism in our lifetimes", McConnell stated.

Some privacy-rights advocates expressed displeasure with the new law. Obama dismissed those complaints. "Privacy is what criminals want so they can get away with their crimes. It's what the cheating husband wants to hide the affair from his wife. It's what the tax cheat wants to hide his income. We don't need privacy", Obama explained.

The new law will take effect after July 1. All vehicle owners are required to purchase the devices.

"Oh, it will also help you when you're lost!" Obama stated.

Make NickFun's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

6 14 23 10
36 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more