LONDON - Amy Winehouse's latest single, "I've Got Your Stimulus Package" has just hit the number one position on both The American Top 40 Music Chart, and The British Top 40 Music Chart.
The 25-year-old soulful, eclectic songstress has had more ups and downs that a Rocky Mountain mountain goat. She has managed to survive bouts with alcohol, drugs, boyfriends, food, tattoo infections, husbands, cigarettes, and a crazed wolverine.
Winehouse who claims to have a total of 52 body piercings, 43 tattoos, 147 freckles, and a birthmark on her front upper right thigh that resembles Bolivia has promised that she will stay away from bad influences.
She said that some of those bad influences include Boy George (who's in prison), Michael Vick (who's in prison), O.J. Simpson (who's in prison), and Dick Cheney (who's incognito).
When asked how she felt having the number one song in both England and America, Winehouse replied, "Well it means that I'll be able to get me a few more tats (tattoos) and p's (piercings)."
Amy was asked about the rumor circulating on both sides of the pond (Atlantic Ocean) that her and Lindsay Lohan's ex have become very good friends.
Winehouse replied that she has helped Ronnie (Samantha Ronson) to get over her breakup with Lindsay.
She added that Ronnie confided in her that being with "La Lohan" was kind of like being with Madonna except only with maybe not as much cellulite, ego, aloofness, vanity, arrogance, narcissism, braggadocio, gascon, sarcasm, and hubris."
Winehouse said that since Ronson dumped Lohan she and the Ronster have exchanged a total of 9,462 emails.
Amy added that the two are amazed at how much they have in common; things like both liking Marlboro Light cigarettes, both having the number 4 as their lucky number, both hating Bill O'Reilly, both never having been to Kalamazoo, Michigan, and both being borderline Anorexics.
In other news. Reports that Governor Sarah Palin was bit by a stark raving mad caribou are totally false. A very reliable inside source said that the teeth marks were actually accidentally put there by Palin's 18-year-old unmarried daughter Bristol.