First it was the Hugo Chavez handshake weakening the security of the nation, now former Vice President Dick Cheney says it's President Obama's plaid tie. Cheney insists Obama is moving the country in the wrong direction by wearing the tie at a formal White House reception. He spoke on Quack News during his weekly verbal purging of Obama presidential failures.
Looking and sounding more like the Grinch who stole Christmas, Cheney described Obama's plaid tie as treason; pronouncing it a fashion mistake before the eyes of our 9/11 enemies.
On the heels of Cheney's statement, newscasters on Quack News quickly agreed. 'Fashion mistake' became a talking point repeated by each newscaster during each news cycle. Working in the Oval office without a jacket was also condemned. "And remember when he was photographed topless on the beach?"
Quack News questioned whether the President might even wear polka-dot underwear! On the left, Bark News argued that the plaid-tie looked okay to them, and one newscaster announced that it gave him a tingle up his arm.
"Now it's going up your arm? Maybe we should check the chair you're sitting on."
Cheney insisted there was no way forward with a weakened plaid-tie wearing President of the United States, and the Congress should begin impeachment hearings. Quack News towel snapped in agreement. 'Un-American plaid-tie' replaced, 'fashion mistake' in the next news cycle.
Questioned by reporters about Cheney's current verbal purge, a spokesman dismissed Cheney as, Dick Happiness, suggesting Cheney purged more often than a runway model, having just about as much credibility.
Quack News disagreed, ripping Obama for slandering their voice, claiming Cheney was always fashionably correct right down to his brown boots, navy suits and canary yellow cowboy hat.
The White House issued a statement: Dick Happiness could not tell a quail from a lawyer, never made the cover of Men's Vogue, and lacks sartorial elegance. As for the yellow cowboy hat? It makes him look more like the Curious George man than the Marlboro man, and whatever underwear the President wears, he says he looks good.
At Bark news, a tingle was traveling north...