Amnesty International has accused the Bush administration of performing more tortuous acts against the detainees of Gitmo than have been previously thought possible. Based upon documents discovered in the basement of the Rush Limbaugh Think-Tank of Conservative Mind-Bend, Sir Reginald Water-Bored, Vice-President of Amnesty International stated that there were even more hideous techniques than the use of Iron Maidens, Thumb Screws, and Hot-Bamboo-Shoots-Under-The-Fingernails.
In one instance, the CIA attempted to enlist Jiminy Cricket in order to exploit the "bug" fears of suspected terrorist, Omar Kis-Sah-Mahass. The plan, according to Sir Reginald, was to hire Mr. Cricket and have him tweeter and twitter in Mahass' cell twenty-four hours a day and jump all over the prisoner whenever he fell asleep. The plan died in its infancy when the Disney Corporation refused the CIA offer.
When pressed on this matter, a Disney spokesperson replied, "Golly...no comment." On the other hand, attorney for Mr. Cricket, a Mr. P. Nokio, Esquire, stated that Jiminy was totally unaware that the United States of America required his services. "Had Jiminy known, he would have gladly obliged the CIA to perform any type of torture asked of him. After all, he is a patriotic icon of American cinema and the conscience of millions of wooden puppets!"