Washington, DC-An innovative new online University is attracting a lot of attention, especially after guaranteeing every student a virtual employment offer upon graduation.
"Our school prepares students for every career you could possibly imagine", says Bill Hanson, President and founder of EU (Ethereal University), located somewhere in Cyberspace.
"Because our teachers don't actually exist in human form, there are no restrictions on class size. That is why our prerequisites are far less stringent than those at other Universities. In fact, you don't even need any previous education. The only requirements would be a PC and $17,500, payable upon confirmation of acceptance. Which, like I said before, is pretty much guaranteed."
Hanson says that EU students are free to choose from majors such as Engineering, Medicine, and Air Force Training, just to name a few. They can work at their own pace and earn their degree in as little as one millisecond, or as long as 100 billion years, depending on the program.
"At EU, you can become anything from a Rocket Scientist to a Mental Telepathist, all from the comfort of your own home. And did I mention there are no entry requirements?"
He says that although graduates won't be compensated in tangible dollars (since the occupations only exist in cyber world), the level of respect and admiration their new designation will bring far outweighs any financial sacrifices they may endure.
"Everyone in their right mind knows that all non-imaginary jobs require a degree from a bona fide institution. But think about it…how many people do you know can say they earned a Degree in Mortal Combat in under three months?"