Barry Barack Obie Obama has ironically added to the very unemployment rate that his economic rescue plan is seeking to remedy. Obie has announced immediate layoffs for Bush-cheney torturers in the CIA, FBI Homeland Security and the IRS.
This one dramatic stroke of the presidential pen raised unemployment figures by 1%.
The good news for the skilled inflicters of human suffering is that there are job openings all over the world. Headhunters from Iran, China, and Cuba immediately began recruiting the former US waterboarders.
An anonymous member of the International Brotherhood of Human Persuaders told me that some of the most highly prized experts in the field of information extraction had been released on the open market.: "These free agents will assist tyrants around the world in freeing up speech in a much more efficient way than that stodgy old First Amendment!"