VICTORIA, B.C. - Master Gardener, Hector Creatmore, recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, admitted to using human body parts as "filler" in his organic compost fertilizer.
"I've tried every thing from fish to fawn, but nothing made my rhododendrons bloom like an old neighbor". Hector did not admit to "murder" in his death bed confessions, but to, sneaking into funeral homes after the funerals of family and friends and "loping off" a few bits and pieces, here and there before they were buried in the ground.
"I never took more than I really needed, (not enough that anyone would notice). These were close friends and relatives, who I'm sure, would have supported what I was doing. In their own way, they all helped to make the world a more beautiful place", Hector stated. (He then made a comment about "pushing up daisies" that we deleted from this article.)
Relatives of the victims were outraged at the thought of their loved ones being grounded up in a compost shredder. "That's my dad, all over the place", one woman replied. Creatmore discounts their concerns. "This is recycling at it's best, waste not, want not".