LONDON - Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old singing sensation, who until recently hadn't been kissed, has just been signed to go on tour with none other than the Rolling Stones.
Miss Boyle told a reporter for the BBC that it is a dream come true. She said that she first memorized the lyrics to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" when she was a wee girl of 8.
She added that when she was 10-years-old, she sang "Get Off Of My Cloud" at her cousin Mopsie's birthday party 15 times in a row.
She laughed and said that her Uncle Troy finally took the microphone away from her and sent her to the grocery store for some drinking straws.
Mick Jagger was asked what he thought about Miss Boyle and he said that he has been in the music business for over 50 years and he has never heard a female singer with a purer voice than Susan's.
Stones' guitarist Ron Wood was asked what he thought about Boyle and he replied that if he didn't already have a 20-year-old girlfriend he would jump at the chance to be Susan's boyfriend.
Jagger said that he would love to record a romantic duet with the 'British Babe.'
He then turned to his lead guitarist Keith Richards and said that Susan is probably the best opening act that they have ever had.
Keith smiled and told Mick that he had just heard that the Rolling Stones were actually going to be Susan Boyle's opening act.
Mick started laughing and he laughed so hard, that he fell off his chair and landed on the hardwood floor. He looked up at Susan and told her that he had a boo-boo on his lips and asked her to kiss it.
Susan instantly reached down and put a lip lock on Mick's triple botoxed lips and didn't stop kissing until Charley (Watts), Keith (Richards) and Ron (Wood) forcibly pulled her off of their lead singer.
In a related story. It is being reported by CNN's Wolf Blitzer that Lindsay Lohan told him that she has fallen in love with Susan Boyle. Lilo reportedly said, "Samantha who?"