Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Susan Boyle Kissed By Brad Pitt
Susan Boyle sitting in her living room wearing a wig that was a present from Simon Cowell.

LONDON - Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old singing sensation, who recently revealed on the British show, "Britain's Got Talent" that she had never been kissed was kissed by Brad Pitt.

The Scottish lass received a phone call from Angelina Jolie who arranged to set up a meeting between her and Pitt.

Miss Boyle said that her first kiss was all that she had dreamed it would be. She added that she had actually had over 9,000 offers from men who wanted to be the first male to kiss her.

She said that she narrowed it down to 500 and then to down to three; Matthew McConaughey, Antonio Banderas, and Brad Pitt.

Boyle said that she finally decided on Brad Pitt, because as she put it, "Angelina Jolie insisted that I pick Brad and so I just said what the heck, he isn't a bad lookin' bloke."

Brad not only kissed her, but he took her out to eat at The English Garden, which is one of the fanciest restaurants in all of the United Kingdom.

Susan cannot believe the tremendous outpouring of support from people throughout the world. She has received congratulatory letters, checks, cash, and gift certificates from places such as Toowoomba, Australia; Alexandria, Cairo; Tierra Del Fuego, Chile; Shanghai, China; and Lafayette, Louisiana.

She was asked if she had, had any marriage proposals. Susan smiled and shyly replied that she has in fact already had a total of 7,429 marriage proposals from men ranging in age from 14 to 102.

In a developing story. Susan Boyle's manager, Simon Cowell, has disclosed that he is in the process of booking her on a 100-city worldwide concert tour. Cowell added that Beyonce will be Susan's opening act.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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