Written by Jordan Baugher
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Topics: Texas

Thursday, 16 April 2009

image for Texan Secedes from Union
Jenkem, 54, President of New Jenkem.

Dallas, TX - A man in Lubbock has done what others in his state have only dreamt of doing--seceding from the United States of America. While others were protesting in the streets outside Lubbock's one-room courthouse/post office/7-11, Leroy Jenkem was inside filing the necessary paperwork to form his own nation, while also purchasing a Slushee and some stamps.

"I'm fed up with taxes. With being attacked by pirates. With ten trillion dollars of debt. The way I figure, it's time to wipe the slate clean," says Jenkem, who was once convicted of felony mopery.

Rod Throbbins, attorney and adult film star, says legally, there's not a lot the US government or the state of Texas can do to stop Jenkem.

"The Texas state constitution heavily favors the rights of the state, and the rights of the individual. Nowhere does it specifically state that an individual cannot secede and form his own government."

In addition, Jenkem's 'crazy' plan has attracted the support of a powerful ally: Governor Rick Perry, who said, "Texas has decided to recognize his fledgling government. The position of the US has always been to support new democracies, which Jenkem's government clearly is. After all, didn't we found this nation in order to dodge taxes and avoid the reach of an overbearing government?"

After locking his front gate and raising the flag of his new nation, Jenkem immediately declared that he has several nuclear warheads hidden in an undisclosed location. President Obama reacted by suggesting that the US institute six-party talks between his own government, Mexico, Cuba, Venezuela, France, Japan, and The Republic of New Jenkem.

In response, Jenkem has stated that he will go along with disarmament and re-join the Union if he is given humanitarian aid in the form of ten million dollars in small, unmarked bills.

Obama is reportedly giving the proposal serious consideration.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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