It happens all the time. Your parents adopt a new sibling for you because they think you're feeling lonely and need a playmate. Then that new sibling steals all the attention and starts to make you feel left out."
We asked how the First Goldfish, Fred, was handling the news of the First Family's recent adoption of Bo, the Portugese water dog. Here's what he had to say: "It hurts when you think that you are made to feel special. They used to stare at me and reach in to grab and squeeze me and pound on my glass every day. Suddenly they've all stoped paying attention to me. They haven't fed me for the past week and I've been relegated to an end table in one of the guest rooms. They turned off the heat in here to save money, and it gets dark and lonely at night. I want to cry but it doesn't matter because I'm living in water."
He went on, "Why didn't they ever take me out and let me flop around the White House lawn for a quick photo op? When Bo went out there, he was lumbering about, sniffing everyone's crotch and humping everything in sight. I would never do anything remotely like that! Fish have too much class."
He added, " Sometimes at night Bo pops in here for a quick drink. I appreciate that he hasn't tried to eat me yet, but I'm down to half a bowl of water and it's geting cramped in here. I would appreciate it if you would please gently remind Malia or Sasha to feed me if they find the time. Thanks."
When asked about how he felt about President Obama's recent comments about Bo stating, "He's a star. He's got star quality.", to which Fred responded, "I don't want to talk about it."