Washington, D.C. -- After declaring the end of Western Civilization as we know it, President Barack Obama announce today that happy days are here again and that the sky is not falling, as he had previously predicted in all his speeches until now.
"And it had absolutely nothing to do with the advice President Clinton gave him last month, telling him to lighten up on the doom's day talk, either," volunteered a White House spokesman to reporters at a press conference on the good news. "He just hasn't had the time until now to realize what a good job he has been doing, he has been so busy saving the world and all."
According to Obama, the economy is showing signs of hope of recovery. Even though there has not been any relief to homeowners overburdened with high priced mortgages they cannot afford to pay, no relief to so-call toxic assets bank's are still carrying on there books, or relief to the record number of homeless Americans (soon to be joined by Amvets from Iraq and Afghanistan) on every major street corner holding up signs saying, "Will work for food."
"I do not usually look to Wall Street for a sign of economy recovery on Main Street," said Obama in a recent speech. "But if you own any Blue Chip stocks, you just made a killing. Come on people. Give me a shout out, would you?"
"In my good book, political pundits and economists rarely agree," said Mathew Johnson, an unemployed carpenter and Born Again Christian. "And when they do, its time to load up the ark with animals, two of every kind and seal the door."
Johnson says he does not waste time worrying any. He says that in the end the good Lord will provide for all.
Johnson then ran around the backyard of his foreclosed home, trying to round up his pet goat, parakeet and bunny rabbits into a scaled down replica of Noah's Ark that he built and has been living in ever since his eviction.
"There's a storm coming," said Johnson, his prophet like beard outlining the clear blue sunny California sky. As he stared looking up at it, one of the bunny rabbits he had been holding in his arms jumped out and ran off under a shrub. "God damn it, little bunny! You made me lose my thought. I had a good line about us being in the eye of the storm. And something about people getting their ark ready, too."