Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Sunday, 12 April 2009

image for OctoMom's audition DVD for possible Reality TV Show does not go so well
OctoMom's life turns into another Reality TV program

Babies On Board Zone -- Setting up a digital camera on a tripod in her living room to record her own audition DVD to shop around to Reality TV producers, OctoMom takes her seat in her Lazy Boy recliner armchair with all eight of her new born babies surrounding her: two in a basket on her right-hand side, two on her lap and the remaining four in a basket on her left-hand side.

"Say 'Hi'," says OctoMom to her babies, while she waves to the camera, its red recording light blinking. "Hello everybody. I'm the so-called OctoMom and I'm broke. No just kidding."

Suddenly, OctoMom gets up to answer the telephone, carrying to the two babies on her hips only to return shortly.

"Sorry everybody," said OctoMom as she takes her seat with her babies again, like the Master of Ceremonies in the center of a three ring circus. "I thought that was the White House calling to invite me and my babies to the Easter egg roll. Oh well, let's see what's on TV."

As OctoMom flipped through the channels, she continued breastfeed her babies as she had been doing before she began recording. Something on TV interests her, and she pauses at a live broadcast from CNN's coverage of the White House Easter egg roll.

"Oh, I'm so sorry that we're not there kids," said OctoMom, as she rotated in another one of her eight babies from breast to breast, sliding one baby into a basket on the side of her armchair marked "OUT" before picking up another baby up from another basket on the opposite side of her armchair marked "IN".

"I just know you all wanted to go," said OctoMom to her babies. "But maybe it's all for the breast - I mean best. You're all too young anyways. Oh, but I could have really used the protein from all those Easter eggs right now, and a bottle of water, too. I feel so dehydrated."

With that OctoMom reached down for one of her bottles of water she placed at the side of her chair, discovering that they were all empty, all scattered on the floor.

"Oh no," exclaimed OctoMom. "Bad babies! Shame on you for drinking all of momma's water."

OctoMom then tried to detach the two babies suckling at each of her breasts, but she could not get them to stop sucking on her. So she tried to get up out of her armchair with them still attached, when she suddenly realized she could not get up. She kept falling back into her armchair, getting weaker and weaker and more and more dehydrated with every attempt.

"Help!" screamed out OctoMom with a weakened voice. "Help! Maybe I shouldn't have fired those 'Angels in Waiting' after all."

Hours had passed and as the light from the TV flickered in the darkened living room, OctoMom was awakened from a state of unconsciousness.

"Mom! Mom!" yelled out OctoMom from her armchair, as her lightheaded daze turned into a throbbing migraine, she laid back with her eyes closed. "I had the worst nightmare, ever. I dreamt I had just given birth to eight babies all at once, and they were literally sucking the life out of me."

Just then OctoMom was handed a bottle of water.

"Thanks mom," said OctoMom. With her eyes still closed, she reached out to pat her mother's hand in gratitude and appreciation. Only it was the size of an infant.

"Mom?" questioned OctoMom, with a quiver in her voice. As she waited for a response that never came, she finally opened her eyes as the flickering light from the TV went out. Feeling two sets of tiny moist lips nibbling and tugging at her nipples in the dark, she was too weak to repel them and limply fell back into her armchair, slipping into a state of unconsciousness again as the red recording light on the camera blinked on.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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