Written by K J Heitz
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Saturday, 7 May 2005

image for Hells Angels to Take Over War on Terrorism
Al Queda won't know what hit them when the Hells Angels roll into Afghanistan

The Bush Administration plans to announce this week that the legendary motorcycle gang, Hells Angels, will be taking over the struggling war on terrorism.

President George Bush called on the notoriously violent gang in an effort to get some results in the war on terrorism before the November election and in response to the thinness of American troops, but also "because these guys are bad ass," Bush said Sunday.

"We're fighting some evil, sadistic blood-thirsty bastards," the president said of Al Queda. "My daddy always said, you gotta fight fire with fire." More than 80,000 motorcycle hooligans will be shipping out the day after Sturgis bike rally wraps up.

It has not been determined who will lead the gang, but it will not be the U.S. Military. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has promised the gang will have complete independence. "We'll pay to get them, their bikes and their weapons to Afghanistan, after that, they can do whatever they think needs to be done to eradicate the terrorists."

"The Hells Angels aren't just angry and violent, they're also creative," Rumsfeld said. "That's what we need to win this thing, creative violence. The Army is way too boring and predictable."

If Operation Crazy Bikers fails, the Bush Administration is said to be considering creating a new division of the Army made up of convicts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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