Tutankhamen, IDAHO - The Food and Drug Administration today announced that it was tightening label requirements for home-made mud pies. Little girls across America are struggling to comply with the emergency order which will go into force the Monday after Easter. Just in time for the spring mud-pie season.
Mud pies have been a staple of little girl's tea parties for generations. But with increased regulation that all might end. The new rules dictate mud-to-gravel, water-to-soil, insect content, item consistency, diameter and thickness. Mud pies not meeting these standards could not be called mud pies and could not be advertised as such.
The rules came about as a result of a request by young Timothy Ferguson who wrote a letter to the Secretary of Agriculture, after a fight with his sister and her friends ended with his being sent to his time-out place.
"My mom made me play with them and they had this creepy "Party" with all these toy animals and dolls, and I was supposed to sit there and "enjoy" this stupid make believe pie made of mud. No way! So then my sister gets all upset and starts crying. Anyway, there I was, sitting in my room when I start thinking..."
The single paged, double-spaced letter, on school-lined note book paper emerged as a "gazillion page pile of doo doo with really big words like "die-just-a-Bill-it-tea". according to young Molly Ferguson, who flung the heavy document at this reporter and then started shouting," I hate you, Timmy! I hate you!". Visibly upset, she refused to answer any more questions.
Rumors about a proposed "National I Hate Timmy Ferguson Day" could not be substantiated by dead line.