In a sweeping press announcement today, GW Bush covered a wide spread of subjects ranging from education to the military.
Continuing to reinforce his image as an education president, Bush recently approved the addition of new vocabulary to the American English dictionary.
George Bush said "As the education president, i want all americans to be able to communicate subliminably and open the shores on understanding by ensuring word are not misunderestimated. I therefore appoint myself the education jar"
" I know it's a pain the ass to learn new words, so hemorrhoids will now be called Asteroids coz i firmly believe that words should be able to be communicable, heh frankly astreroid is a pretty darned descriptive word"
"Places where people live for rent will be called togetherments - instead of apartments, coz they are pretty much connected to each other"
"People park in driveways and drive in parkways, so from now on it will be not illegal to interchange the words, likewise many people like myslef get very confused when people talk about nose running and feet smelling so i hope the american people can see where i'm coming from"
"As for gays in the military, i am establishing a new fighting force to supplement the special forces. The Rump Ranger Battalion will draw in gays and lesbians and will be commanded by a rear admiral, who's command will include submarines full of seamen. I firmly believe that all gays, regardless of thier finglernails or thier lisp, can be effective in hte battle field. Have you ever seen a gay catfight? The way they pull hair and scratch each other can be harnessed effectively against the enema, i meam enemy. Thier first mission is to penetrate the greek terrorist organization - Fudge Factor"
" I get all all these great ideas from my dad, who gave me these words of wisdom - a day without sunlight is like night"