New York, NY: Kim Jong Il, the leader of North Korea, traveled to United Nations headquarters today. He came to deliver a speech to an emergency session of the Security Council as to the intent of North Korea's missile launch of 5 April 2009.
Kim Jong Il addressed the Security Council, admitting that "a Taepodong 2 missile launch had taken place, but not exactly in violation of UN decrees and resolutions." He added that "a flotilla of North Korean fishing boats was innocently conducting fishing operations in the Northern Pacific Ocean prior to the missile launch."
The leader continued "these North Korean fishermen observed the Imperial Japanese Whaling Fleet (IJWF) chasing two helpless unarmed whales. These socialist heroes of the people immediately notified the Taepodong 2 missile crew to engage the IJWF, as opposed to putting a satellite into orbit."
Kim Jong Il concluded that "his fishermen, all members of PETA and Greenpeace, observed the missile parts miss the IJWF and splash down close enough to cause a distraction. The whales were able to make their escape unharmed. For this act of kindness North Korea should be applauded not scorned."
There was an eerie diplomatic silence in the council chamber, except for the raucous laughter of the five permanent member ambassadors from the USA, China, Russia, France and the UK who were doubled over at their desks.
A UN spokesperson said "the Security Council has recessed for the evening without agreeing to any North Korean sanctions."