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Thursday, 9 April 2009

NAIROBIA, Kenya - FBI anti-hostage negotiators began handing joints to the Somali pirates in an effort Thursday to free an American cargo ship captain held captive on a lifeboat. A U.S. destroyer and a spy plane kept a close watch on the deal in the high-seas standoff near the Horn of Africa, and more U.S. ships were dispatched to the area with enough marijuana to supple the continent with enough drugs to keep them pre-occupied while former American Secretary of State Condolence Rice escapes from her secret lover's estate.

The battleship USS Minnow was dispatched after Gilligan reported for duty said the professor in a taped interview from the 1970's series. "We had some stash left over after they cancelled the series." said Dawn Wells better known as Mary Ann.

A senior official with the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) said that the drugs were perfectly legal and a means of negotiating with known terrorist in Mexico. The official refused requests for pictures of his wife while denying he is actually a mole for the KGB, which does not exist without Pentagon approval.

The American cargo ship captain is reportedly upset that he was not given any marijuana and refuses to be freed until he has the same options as his Libyan captures.

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