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Thursday, 9 April 2009

image for France: Armstrong A Dope

French's hard core biking bureau says 7-time champ Lance Armstrong is a two-time loser.

However, the seven time winner says the French Biking Bureau are full of shit.

"They make it twice as hard for someone outside France to compete. It's like their toy and no one else is supposed to play with it. That's all they do, play with it."

France's anti-doping agency AFLD that monitors Tour De France competition claims Lance is a user after claiming he was clean.

French docs tested Lance's blood, urine and hair said there were small traces of drugs March 17 but now they allege he broke the rules and should be suspended.

Armstrong "did not respect the obligation to remain under the direct and permanent observation" of the tester," the AFLD said hoping to impose sanctions on the American.

"I don't know what the "tester" does except keep trying to find anything they can", Armstrong allegedly stated. "I'm not sure their instruments are clean to begin with. Nothing else is. Have you seen the hookers, or rather, smelled the hookers?"

Lance is in training after a bike accident for an unprecedented 8th title, but is being thrown every technical difficulty that can be found.

"I got one ball", states Armstrong, "and I have to take stuff for that. But it's plain to see who actually has the balls around here and it's not the judges."

"I tell you one thing, you won't see me doing any commercials for the Tour de Shaft again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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