Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: PETA, Meat, BBQ

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

image for MEATA Rivals PETA for Pointless Press Coverage
Happy Cows Soon to be Burger Patties

Sponsored by a consortium of middle aged men from four different Midwestern cities, the newly formed "MEATA" organization has been stealing press attention away from its diametrically opposed food-chain rival, PETA. Assembled from Detroit, Chicago, Milwaukee, and Omaha, this determined group of men met on the streets of New York with oversized propane grill and hundreds of pounds of raw meat in tow.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) spokesman, Justin Krill, was about to announce another major propaganda campaign this last Monday, when four men from MEATA wearing barbeque aprons entered the press conference area, announcing "Free Bratwurst!". Krill was left holding nothing but his microphone as the press corps dashed to the street for samples of free sausage.

Men Enjoying the Attributes of Tasty Animals (MEATA) spokesman Dash Ovsahlt told reporters, "We're tired of those pasty-faced vegetarians giving meat a bad name. What could be better than a fresh grilled, slow-cooked Bratwurst on a bun." Ovsahlt was seen rolling his eyes into the back of his head while making a faint sound. "Mmmmm". "We're all just carnivores who naturally eat lower members of the food chain, plain and simple."

"I beg to differ, you monster", Krill confronted the group on the street. "How can you possibly think of consuming something that was once free to roam the earth as one of God's creatures?"

"With stone ground mustard and onions", replied Ovsahlt. The press corps agreed. MEATA organizers have agreed to set up shop outside of all future PETA press conferences. "We'll let them spout off about salad and broccoli, then we'll treat their guests to a fresh burger or steak sandwich on their way out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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