WASHINGTON (AP) Since his recent TV appearance on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", President George W. Bush has been spending a lot of time in locked in his bedroom. Barbara Bush says, "He just stands in his closet looking at his clothes and won't come out! I blame it all on those Fab Five gentlemen. I just haven't seen much of 'Little Georgie' since those guys got their hooks into him. One of the White House gardeners suggested that I buy something called a "strap on" but I'm just not sure that would work... you know George and I have always had our same routine, and..."
Attorney General John Ashcroft said, "I've been getting some very strange phone calls from the President lately. First he asks about how deep our friendship is and then he asks me to pray with him about the Sodomites. I'm just afraid to ask him, but I think he's planning a vacation at Fire Island. I don't really care, just as long as he doesn't ask me to go with him!"
Staff Secretary Brett Kavanaugh reports that the President has placed a picture of Carson Kressley his desk in the oval office.
The President is scheduled to appear on "Larry King Live" this Thursday with a "very important announcement" for the American people.