U.S. President Barack Obama, just back from his trip to the G-20 Summit meetings, begin a rant against classic television shows. According to his staff, the only American television that they could watch overseas contained nothing but older shows from the 50's, 60's, and 70's and these brought long repressed complaints to light.
"Look at Gilligan's Island," yelled the President. "It's got no brothers. It's got no Hispanics. It's got no Orientals. It's nothing but a bunch of white folks stranded on an island by themselves. I guess they couldn't put any Blacks on the show because every meal was full of coconuts and pineapples and they didn't have no watermelons."
"Then there's the Brady Bunch. You'd think a woman as hot as Carol Brady would have wanted some real lovin' and gone lookin' for for some Mack Daddy. One of those little blonde girls, maybe that littlest one in curls, shoulda had some kink in her hair and some darker skin. That show went on the air shortly after the summer of love, so you gonna tell me she didn't go lookin' for some love then?"
"Then there's Green Acres. They got a White handy man. Everyone knows that all the handymen on the Southern farms are black. Course, if they had a Black Eb, then Arnold Ziffel would have been pork chops the first season."
"Don't make me get started on The Cosby Show. Ain't none of them spoke a word of Ebonics, none of the teenage girls got knocked up, the son didn't hide out from the cops, the Momma didn't put out to win her court cases, none of the kids ever got head lice, the Doctor didn't have no ladies on the side....and they think this was supposed to be real?"
"Then there's The Super Friends on Saturday mornings. Don't they want no Black Superheroes? Couldn't they at least have had Pimp Man or The Ghetto Blaster or soemthin?"
"Them folks that made The Andy Griffith Show also never went down south. The two guys named Gomer and Goober who ran the filling station were White. The barber was White. Aunt Bee? Fixin' fried chicken for Sunday dinner? Ain't they never heard of Aunt Jemima?"
The President's rant continued for thirty more minutes and contained other references to Leave it to Beaver ("I never did see any beaver on that show"), Make Room For Daddy ("Just how many women were in his bed if they had to make room?"), The Greatest American Hero, The Mickey Mouse Club ("Only Black kids had mice for pets, but we weren't on this show either"), Ironsides, The Partridge Family, and Tarzan.
When asked why he was familiar with these shows, Obama said that he used to watch them in the evenings in his dorm at the Moslem Schools he never attended in the Middle East.
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