Well kids, look who's headed for Fort Lauderdale Florida at the the height of the college Spring Break season! It's none other than Jennifer, the massive ice shelf currently hanging by a thread off the coast of Antarctica.
When questioned about her sudden decision to attend Spring Break, Jennifer responded, "It's what everyone else is doing. I'm like, tired of sitting in one spot all the time and I uh, want to see the world and binge drink before I melt. I've been schooled all my life, and I need my freedom. I only had casual sex once and it was with a walrus. I have seen friends breaking off every once in a while and wonder where they are going. What cool things are they up to?"
In response to being quizzed further about her slim chances of survival by heading for such warm waters, she responded, "right now I am roughly the size of Jamaica, so I should be able to hang on. I figure that I'll be the size of a VW Beetle by the time I get there. Besides, I'm already registered to be in the wet T-shirt contest."