NEW YORK, NEW YORK - The death of a deeply loved man strikes the Big Apple to its core, as the streets fill with mourners this Saturday afternoon. Miles Johnson, a local beggar known by thousands, was stricken by a freak lightning bolt in broad daylight.
Several eye witnesses have confirmed that the bolt entered through his porkpie hat, set his hair on fire, and continued down to leave through a hole in his pants. The dazed man screamed and stumbled into traffic, where he was struck by a school bus.
The bus driver, speaking on condition of anonymity told his deep sympathy for the loved man. "I can't believe this. First day on the job, and I hit a friggin pedestrian. Hope the guy's happy, I got fired."
Thousands are expected to attend Mr. Johnson's funeral. Service will be held tomorrow at 2:00 PM, with free refreshments and tissues.