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Wednesday, 1 April 2009

image for Miss Universe and Miss USA tour Guantanamo
Crystal "Meth" Stewart after been waterboarded at Guantanamo

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba - Miss Universe and Miss USA have taken a firsthand look at the U.S. prison for terrorism suspects and 7-11 gas station owners at Guantanamo Bay.

The beauty pageant winners took part in a VIP tour to entertain American military personnel at the prison in Cuba. The girls who are always good sports, tried out the handcuffs, spanking, water boarding, and standing naked on milk crates with electrodes taped to their nipples.

Miss USA Crystal "Meth" Stewart complained that the cuffs weren't tight enough, and the spanking wasn't hard enough

"I don't know what these rag heads are whining about" she said "my ex boyfriend used to play rougher than that"

Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza also scoffed at the supposed lack of human rights at the camp

"They should release them in Petare, they wouldn't last 5 minutes" she said

Petare been a slum in Caracas with over 1 million inhabitants, and one of the most violent places in Latin America.

She also added that she thought that torture and kinky sex was part of the Islamic culture

"Don't they have relations with sheep and goats ? Why are they complaining ? Just bring some goats into the cells, I'm sure they'd be happy then"

The women later saw the high-security perimeter fence and in true beauty pageant manner went to the beach.

Detention center spokesman Navy Lt. Cmdr. Brook DeWalt said Monday

"it was a pleasure to have the girls here, and we are happy they were exposed to our activities. We also hope the rest of the world will accept that the USA does not torture prisoners, we just stimulate them in a kinda, kinky electrical way"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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