Thousands of people in the American Midwest have been asked to evacuate their homes, after it emerged they had built their homes a few feet from a river that regularly rises 40 feet. This follows the evacuation of an entire city, New Orleans, where millions had chosen to live below sea level - right beside the sea.
Speaking from Washington DC, President Barack Obama said: 'We can take no risks, even the possibility of a lack of brains must mean action. If people choose to be idiotic enough to live in such hazardous areas, then it usually means they have to be evacuated, sooner or later.'
'And we shall pursue evacuation with courage and care, the people's needs must come first, and I must sound more and more like a 1950s TV cowboy, and touch my stetson as I say this, ma'am.'
The fear that millions of Americans haven't got the common sense to live in safe parts of the terrain may mean more of the population having to move from their homes, including the whole town of Noah's Flood, which is beside the foot of the Niagara Falls, and Tremor City, which was built on top of the San Andreas fault in California.
'People, have no fear', the President said, 'fear of fear of lack of brains is not be afraid of. So as your taxes still go to Afghanistan and Israel, as your democratic rights disappear down the drain, and as your banks and mortgage lenders steal your money and yet still go bust, let me just say this.'
'We can do it, yes we can, we, the American people can live beside flooding rivers, can live on top of the world's worst seismic fault line, can live on top of volcanoes, can live under the sea if we choose. The choice is ours, ladies and gentlemen, and cowboys, so let's just pack up and move on out, and mosey on down to our next homes - beside crocodile-infested lakes with scorpions and quicksand.'
American home insurance premiums continued to rise, for some unknown reason.