President Barack Obama today admitted that a promise to cut the number of American troops in the Middle East, including Afghanistan, was a lie. 'Sure was', he said, 'so all of a sudden we have to admit we lied, and are going to increase troops there and call it a 'rethink'. Or bullshit, as everyone else calls it.'
The President painted a bleak picture of the situation, with insurgents increasing their control of their own country, which he termed 'the most dangerous people in the world. Far more dangerous then the Russians, Germans, French, British or Chinese, so I really meant the most dangerous people in the Hindu Kush, and ones that Americans will never defeat. At least George W Bush said simply that the troops were staying - I lied. Welcome to the sad world of Democrat Presidents.'
And Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev also said: 'It is impossible to rule Afghanistan with the alliance; and it is impossible to defeat Afghans. Alexander the Great failed to do that, so did the British, how do you expect a few Americans to beat them? The USA has never won a war on its own, and is going to defeat the undefeatable Afghans? You couldn't make all this up.'
Shares in America arms manufacturers McKilt and O'Wounded rose at Mr Obama's word's, as did American taxes, to fund more unwinnable wars that only make the British and French richer. 'The home of the brave - that can't win wars, and should stay home - and the land of the free, free to believe in Barack Obama's horseshit.'