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Topics: Mail, FedEx

Friday, 27 March 2009

image for FEDEX Awarded US Mail Contract

Washington DC: In keeping with President Obama's campaign promise to reduce government waste the USPS will now be operated by private enterprise, namely FEDEX Corporation.

The president has been very supportive of competition between potential contractors for government services as another means of reducing unnecessary spending (projects not in the FY 2010 budget).

Congress has also been very concerned about the USPS going to a 5 day week and the price of a first class stamp rising from 3 cents in 1939 to 44 cents in 2009. This angst has caused the Attorney General to investigate whether a Ponzi scheme has been run at taxpayer's expense to pay USPS executives large retention bonuses.

A fast track competition between USPS, FEDEX, UPS, DHL and Hotmail was held. Hotmail was immediately disqualified as they couldn't meet the parcel and package delivery requirements. (A claim was made by Hotmail that a transporter device was in development.) The competition was won by FEDEX.

A FEDEX spokesperson said "The Company is happy to get the business in today's economic climate, although later we may find that happiness would have been losing!" The execution of the contract will not begin for 12 months, due to government processing of the contracting paperwork.

Additionally, there is a rumor Hotmail may be contemplating a lawsuit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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