Written by Maynard Collington
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Topics: Barack Obama

Thursday, 26 March 2009

image for Obama expands "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy
Hey buddy, keep it zipped.

News Update (Washington DC) - President Obama took to the podium today to expand the military's stance on gays. Going forward this new policy will not be limited to just military personnel, and will affect the lives of all Americans.

"Look, now, the 'don't ask - don't tell' policy initiated by the Clinton administration, just doesn't go far enough." Obama said during his online town hall "I have been out, in America, in the cities around this great country of ours, and the message is clear."Snitches get Stitches"

The president warned, this is not just about gays in the military anymore, police departments are going to have to make some major changes.

And to the folks at home, this policy applies to you. You might ask yourself "what are those kids doing on the corner?" None of your damn business - move along. "Who is that strange woman out with my neighbor? That's not his wife?" Again, none of your damn business.

Religious leaders in America have already begun to speak out. "Finally" said the Reverend Horton Heat "You cannot begin to calculate the harm that meddling does. Entire families are ruined over these very issues. Think of the countless heartbreaks that will be avoided when people learn to keep their mouths shut!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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