Written by Bureau
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Topics: Cats, boogertown

Thursday, 26 March 2009

image for Boogertown's Edith Snotgrass Has Never Given Up On Finding Her Cat, Colonel Mustard
"Mustard Died Years Ago, I Helped Dig His Grave."

Although her cat went missing in 1980 when Mrs Edith Snotgrass moved to West Boogertown, unfortunately the cat was no where to be seen when she arrived at her new home.

"I let Colonel Mustard out at about six but told him to be back by eleven when we would be leaving. When I arrived at the new house I checked in the cat basket and he wasn't there. Then it dawned on me that I'd forgotten him." - Mrs Snotgrass recalled.

Snotgrass has been sending letters to the old house in Boogertown ever since with detailed maps and instructions on how Colonel Mustard should make it to the Snotgrass household.

"My only hope is that one day he may read one of these letters and come find me. Cats are intelligent aren't they? They can do tricks like read, I saw it on a television commercial once. Hopefully the Colonel will be just as talented."

The current occupiers of Snotgrass's previous house are said to be furious with the daily letters addressed to a Colonel Mustard.

The Ralph Cockerills have written to Mrs Snotgrass countless times explaining that they haven't seen the cat and that it's probably dead now anyway. "For Pete's sake", stated Miller "Booger" Bratcher, "we get her letter every day except Sunday and two on Monday! That stupid cat would be over 30 years old!"

"Meanwhile, the old fart sits out there in the dark some nights in her car, watching our house."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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