MIAMI - Suze Orman, famed television personality and financial advisor says that President George W. Bush is solely responsible for the economic mess that the United States finds itself in.
Orman said that Bush was too busy worrying about the rest of the world and as a result he led the greatest nation in the world into financial ruin.
She added that he needs to take every bit of his money and his family's money and distribute it to America's poor, to its middle class, to its homeless, and even to that skinny witch Ann "Giraffe Legs" Coulter.
When George Bush was told of Miss Orman's remarks he replied, "Susie Hormone? First of all, what kind of cockamamie name is that?
"Hell I remember dating a girl back in high school named Fayette Pimple, but this Hormone chick takes the cake, the pie, and most of the twinkies."
Bush added, that he had no idea why in the world that Hormone woman was attacking Him. He stated that as far as he was concerned that Ms. Hormone could kiss his big old cottonpickin' Texas butt, although he added that the word on the street is that she'd probably rather kiss his wife Laura's big old bumpkin bottom.
He then went on to say that, that was neither here, nor there, nor over here, nor out yonder, nor seven of one, half dozen of the other, nor olly olly oxen free.
Bush grinned and added, "All I can say is that just because we did not find the weapons of mass destruction does not mean that the fabricated weapons, oops, I mean that the weapons of mass destruction did not exist.
"No one has ever seen the tooth fairy, but that don't mean that she don't exist.
"No one has ever seen the Easter bunny but that don't mean that the little fellow don't exist.
"And taking it even a step further. No one has seen Dick "Richard" Cheney and that don't mean that he don't exist does it?"
Bush was asked how he and his wife are doing. He replied that he had just received a 50 cent an hour raise (up to $10 an hour) at his job as a greeter at Buck & Hucks's Hardware Store in Dallas.
He commented that Laura is busy working 60 hours a week at a Dallas Dairy Queen. He says proudly that she can now make the best chocolate malts on either side of the Pesos River.*
* The ex-president meant to say Pecos River.
In other news. The Jerry Springer Show DNA results are in and they show that Ellen DeGeneres and ex-NBA star Larry Bird are not brother and sister as had been widely believed.