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Friday, 20 March 2009

NEW YORK, NY - Warden Samuel Norton of the Manhattan Detention Center has confirmed that Bernard Madoff has been placed in solitary confinement. According to the warden, "Mr.Madoff was caught in a position, which can only be described as two males sharing a proclivity for Greek love." The other prisoner involved was Ricardo Espinoza Ponzi, doing time for the identity theft of Lil' Kim.

Prison guard, Hans Schultz, witness to the incident, said, "Mr.Madoff had his fuchsia colored spandex, down around his Kung Fu Panda slippers, while, Mr. Ponzi was wearing nothing but a pair of Crocs and a teal Bow Chicka Bow Wow tank top with 'SpongeBernie SquarePants'on the front." When asked what was going on, Mr. Madoff responded, "just practicing Tai Chi, Schultz." "They thought 'I knew nothing' but I noticed they weren't wearing lace-up shoes, necessary for Tai Chi, so I informed the warden," said Schultz.

Mr.Ponzi, said he first met Mr.Madoff in the commissary, while, they were eating Raman noodles. "Bernie kept saying to me, 'I'm in here for Ponzi', and promised to double my bling for everyone I brought to him, I'm just a kid from da Bronx, what do I know?".

Former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer, whose family lost money with Madoff, commented, "I feel for his wife."

Another person, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, and lost considerable money with Madoff said, "He screwed the ass off of people on the outside and now he's doing the same damn thing on the inside."

According to Warden Norton, Mr.Madoff's conjugal visits with Tickle Me Elmo will be suspended for three months, while, Mr.Ponzi will be restricted to Lawrence Welk and Polka music on his iPod.

Both are expected to file separate appeals.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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