Written by Bureau
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Topics: Health

Thursday, 19 March 2009

image for Boogertown Grandma Fills Family With Lotsa Love & E.coli
"It Never Hurt Me None, But I'll Miss Bruno"

Edith "Grammas" Snotgrass makes a Booger County Catfish Festival-award winning vanilla custard pie, but she won't be receiving any awards for kitchen sanitation.

The 72-year-old grandmother of twelve cooked a birthday brunch on Sunday for her three children and their families. Unfortunately, the family-declared 'delicious' meal was lovingly prepared in a cesspool of harmful kitchen bacteria.

Snotgrass took several steps to ensure the bacteria covered her kitchen's surfaces while preparing the tasty feast, sneezing till she was blue in the face and hair without covering her mouth.

Most notably, 'Grammas' placed raw possum and chicken in preparation for her "chicken possum pie' main course on the counter top and then cleaned the surface with her long trusted 60-year-old kitchen sponge handed down to her by her mother.

To further ensure disease, she dropped prepared food on the floor, her shoes and her dog, Bruno and then had to scold Bruno for getting into the four egg & tuna casseroles on seven separate occasions, winding up with only three combined.

Grandson Jimmy Joe Snotgrass, the "Birthday Boy" remembers the cramps and vomiting that followed the feast: "It really hurts," said the pained seven-year-old on his way to the Booger Green Medical Center where he joined 14 relatives for a group stomach pumping.

The family made it to the hospital safely as none of the "accidents" involved vehicles, where all were treated and released by Tuesday evening.

Oldest son Bubba says the family harbors no ill feelings towards 'Grammas' but agrees she should be more cognizant of raw meat, aged sponges and pets while preparing her vanilla-custard pies.

"I'll never be able to look at a possum or Grammas kitchen without puking my guts out", added Jimmy Joe.

"Well, maybe after the hazardous waste people in those white suits get it really cleaned up."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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