Written by Vondrook
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Topics: Kids, Shopping

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Elliot Myerson, age 3, was found tethered to a fire hydrant outside a local Petsmart store yesterday afternoon while his mother shopped inside with the family dog.

The device keeping Elliot at bay from his mother was a child harness that wrapped around his little torso and prevented him from running into the street. Elliot's mother, Sandy Myerson, age 36, did not see what was so alarming about the situation.

"Why would they make child harnesses if we can't treat our children like dogs," she asked reporters upon exiting the store. "And it's not like I leave him outside of every store we go to, just the Petsmart."

Mrs. Myerson has reportedly tried to bring both family dog (Buttons) and little Elliot inside the Petsmart, but found that trying to hold on to both her son's leash and the dog's leash had "disastrous results."

"The dog is always left outside when we go shopping," Mrs. Myerson explained further. "But the Petsmart is the only store where the dog is allowed inside, and I want to make sure that Buttons feels like one of the family."

Buttons the Dog declined to comment, but did however, relieve himself on the hydrant while Elliot barked at passing motorists.

"Look," Mrs. Myers said in conclusion. "If Elliot ever chews through his leash and gets hit by oncoming traffic, I'll take responsibility, no problem. But I will not be labeled a 'bad mother' because my son wears a child-harness. Shame on all of you!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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