San Francisco, CA- Harrison Hendricks, 16, severed political ties with his new-age hippie father last Thursday by getting a job.
The move came to Harrison after months of introspective thought and debate. "I realized that there are some things I want to get out of life, and the only option I could turn to was to get a job," Harrison told reporters. "I really need to start making some money, but my father always told me that getting a job was just a means for the system to bring you down."
"It's the system bringing him down, man!" Harrison's father, Moonbeam told us. "They just want you to pay your taxes to help perpetuate the war machine, man!" Moonbeam, whose birth name is Todd, is sadly disappointed in his wayward son. "There's just no reaching the young generation of today, man. I mean, not even all the Noam Chomsky literature in the world can reach these kids."
Moonbeam has a point. Harrison is not the only youngster to be led astray by the allure of capitalism. Nearly 89% of American teenagers aged 15 to 18 deduce that in order to make money, one needs to get a job.
Their reasoning is simple enough: "I just look at my dad and realize I don't want to be sitting around doing nothing with my life but talking," Harrison said. "There's only so much pot you can smoke and hackey-sack you can play before you get your act together."
Harrison is not looking to abandon his father completely, and hopes that they can reach some sort of compromise in the next few days. "I don't know what I can do," Harrison said. "Maybe if he comes into the McDonald's I work at, I can slip him a small bag of fries or something. I know he likes those. Or play some 'hack' with him in the parking lot during my break."