The D.A.R.E.(Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program of the 1990's, thought by many to be a failure, is now gearing up to have another go at the youth of America with it's anti-drug message.
Abington Township Police Chief Darryl Fleming believes he has the answer to make the D.A.R.E. program a success. "It's all about irony," he told reporters. "I would see students that I taught in the program walking down the street, wearing their D.A.R.E. t-shirts, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. The problem is the message we send to the kids."
So what do the members of the D.A.R.E. program plan to do? Reverse psychology. "Kids today thrive on the irony of their clothing, and we are planning on being amongst the most ironic."
The old acronym of D.A.R.E. --Drug Abuse Resistance Education-- will now be changed to Drugs Are Rad & Excellent. "With the way the youth of America thrives on sarcasm, I believe only a dweeb would wear a shirt that they actually live by. It would be like an honor student wearing a shirt that said, 'Honor Student.' An 'A' student would never wear that shirt, only a failing student would."
The new method is a huge roll of the dice for the program, which has been dwindling in numbers due to lack of interest and a rise in a rival program called "Above the Influence," whose symbol is a circle with an arrow pointing upwards. It is captivating tens of teenagers across the country.
"I believe the new D.A.R.E. t-shirts alone will cut down the rate of drug use by teens in our area by at least 30%," Fleming argued. "Only a non-drug user would wear a t-shirt that supports drug use. And not only do we have t-shirts, but we plan on urging parents in the area to start their own drug habit, since teenagers never want to be like their parents in the first place."
The township police has already agreed to take the drugs they confiscate from teens and hand them over for their parents to enjoy. "We are slightly worried that the parents may become addicted to these addictive drugs, and may do all sorts of heinous things to their family to feed their addiction," Fleming said in closing. "But we will cross that bridge when we come to it. What's important is that we protect the youth."