Written by Vondrook
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Topics: Women, work

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Jen Szalinsky had a very busy day yesterday, but somehow was able to complain to all who came her way.

Szalinsky, a 25 year old secretary for the Rollins Company, walked into the office yesterday to find a huge workload on her desk.

"It was like, awful," she griped. "Faxes, call-backs, making appointments, breaking appointments, customer service, copies to make. It was like, oh, my god!"

Before sitting at her desk, Jen took a picture of all the work on her desk with her cell phone and sent it to her entire contact list with the caption reading, "I hate Mondays!" After sending her mass text, she decided to get some coffee in the break room and ran into Keith from quality assurance. "Before I even said 'hello' to her," Keith reported. "She just started bitching in my ear about how much work she had to do."

After grabbing her coffee and complaining to Keith for 14 minutes, Jen headed over to Accounting and draped herself over William Cunningham's cubicle wall. "Oh, I knew she wanted to bitch," Keith stated to reporters. "and she kept giving these heavy sighs until I asked her how she was doing. That was a mistake." What resulted was a 16 minute verbal tirade from Jen regarding how she will never have enough time to finish all of her work for the day.

Jen went back to her desk and began to respond to all of the sympathetic texts she received from the 39 people on her contact list. By 11:30, Jen was ready to get started on her work, but the office phone rang, and she talked to a constituent, stating, "Oh, my god, my boss is like, so unfair. He is like, a sadist or something."By the time the phone call ended, it was lunch time.
"I like, totally needed some energy if I was going to do all that work," she told reporters.

By 2:00, Jen was fully prepared to get started, and began to get to work. She finished all of her assignments by 3:45, and spent the rest of the work day stalking the halls, complaining to people about how much work she had just done.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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