DENVER, Colo - Mr. Onkeywoodsmien of the Larimer Good Bank of Treats (LGBT) here is asking patrons of the homeless to stop donating boxes full of aspartame.
"These people are hungry, and they will eat what ever you dangle in front of them. And they eat it right out of the box," Onkeywoodsmien reported.
"So, please, it is so pathetic to see these poor people eating aspartame (ASS par tame), and then dying on the sidewalk. Please donate some real food, not toxic condiments. They like wieners."
I pointed out that my contribution of one case of boxed aspartame had been accepted by LGBT. Secretly, I hoped it did kill a few of them. After all, it IS FDA approved.