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Thursday, 24 June 2004

image for US Postal System Nears Collapse!
Postal Gridlock?

Unconfirmed Sources report that the US postal system has been plunged into chaos. Too many streets and towns newly renamed after Ronald Reagan are to blame. Postal employees just don't know where to send the mail!

Shortly after the death of the most popular president in history the postal service began processing street and town renamings. The postal service normally processes hundreds of such requests per year, but in the weeks since Reagan's death they have had to deal with thousands.

"I've never seen anything like." said John W. Booth a postal employee. "It's crazy. We've gotten so many renaming requests we just can 't keep up. That and with so many Reagan streets and Reaganvilles we just don't know where to send the letters. I mean there are 10 Reagan City's in California alone, not to mention the Reaganvilles and the Reagan Streets and Reagan Courts. It's a fucking mess!"

Private package companies are also suffering from the huge numbers of changed addresses. UPS and Fedex have put recent troubles aside and jointly sued the Postal Service to stop changing addresses.

A lawyer representing the two companies spoke to the media in front of the Supreme Court. "Our trucks don't know where to go. They spend hours driving from Reagan Street to Reagan Street trying to deliver packages. The system is breaking down. The courts must step in and stop this madness."

In the mean time Americans should expect postal and package services to be much delayed.

The Rename Everything Reagan Association has been spearheading the effort to get things named after the former President. They have vowed to keep up the pressure until every street and avenue and every town is named after Reagan. They are also launching efforts to have Reagan's face carved into Mt Rushmore and to replace the faces on all American currency and coins to pictures of Reagan.

For more information on the Rename Everything Reagan Association visit www.reaganisgod.com.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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