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Wednesday, 23 June 2004

image for CIA Reveals Satan Met With Bin Laden in 2001, Is Harboring Terrorists in Hell
Satan and Bin Laden pose for a photo in 2001

WASHINGTON, DC-- George Bush has been having trouble Proving Osama Bin Laden met with Saddam Hussein, but top CIA officials this week revealed that they have uncovered proof the Al Qaeda leader had met with Satan, (AKA Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, Beezilbub, etc.) in 2001, and that the Evil One may still be harboring terrorists in Hell.

Acting head of the CIA John McLaughlin released a recently uncovered photo of Bin Laden posing with the Dark Prince.

"We believe the two met in August of 2001 for a frappuchino at the Kabul Starbucks," stated Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, "We believe that they discussed, among other things, the September 11 attacks, the decline of the Catholic Church, and the popularity of boy bands. "

President Bush addressed the press in a brief statement, saying, "This goes to show that Satan is even more of a threat to America than we thought. He may have been our ally in the eighties, but now he'll learn what happens to those who assist terrorists in threatening freedom."

Rumsfeld also pointed to evidence gathered by U.S. intelligence that suggests that every Al Qaeda suicide bomber, including the nineteen 9/11 hijackers are in fact in Hell with Satan.

Satan issued a statement saying that his meeting with Bin Laden was merely a peacekeeping attempt.

"I knew that Osama was up to some crazy (expletive deleted). I was there to persuade him not to damage the friendly relationship I had developed with the United States, particularly during the Clinton administration," said Satan, "but the guy is completely nuts. He just kept saying 'Stop being such a pussy, Lou ... this is going to be great' "

President Bush disregarded Satan's statement saying that the self proclaimed 'Lord of the Flies' had stepped over the line. "If Lucifer does not meet our request to hand over the terrorists, then he will suffer the full consequences, up to and including military action."

At Press time, Satan had no reaction to Bush's threat to invade Hell, but several U.S. troops in Iraq indicated that the change of scenery would be greatly welcome.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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