WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice President Joe Biden has confirmed reports that President Obama will be meeting with Osama Bin Laden.
A White House spokesperson Organza Saltbox stated that a few days ago the president received an email that was signed with the user name Habidullah Mullahhamida, Jr. which is Saudi Arabian for keeper of the two-humped camel that has one-humped camel humping tendencies, Jr.
An emailing expert Oboe Throckmorton was called in and he confirmed that the name Habidullah Mullahhamida, Jr. is in fact the user name of one Osama Bin Laden.
Throckmorton was able to identify certain emailing characteristics, mannerisms, and idiosyncrasies that offer clear cut evidence that the email did come from Mr. Osama Bin Laden himself.
So with the work of the FBI, the CIA, the Secret Service and Osama Bin Laden's representative, his cousin Billy Muhoomatma, a meeting has been set up. The top secret, closed door, by invitation only meeting will be held in two weeks.
The unprecedented meeting will take place at The Like Sands Through The Hourglass Meeting Room at the downtown Ramada Inn in Karachi, Pakistan.
The president has promised Bin Laden, who is the undisputed leader of the Al-Qaeda terrorist faction that he can rest assured that he will not be captured, arrested, detained, or otherwise held against his will.
In fact President Obama wants the meeting to be one that will benefit both sides. The United States government firmly believes that Bin Laden can be convinced to stop his terrorist ways.
Unnamed White House sources have revealed that the president is prepared to offer Osama Bin Laden a $2 billion bailout...tax-free. The generous offer has already been secretly approved by both the House of Representatives and the Senate.
Professor Sherwood Tintoretti who is the head of the Saudi Arabian Cuisine Department at Slippery Rock College and is considered by many historians to be the world's leading expert on the life of Osama Bin Laden said that he has personally met Bin Laden five times.
The last time was back in August of 2007, at a camel repair shop in Tabuk, Saudi Arabia.
Tintoretti stated that there are several things that most people do not know about Bin Laden. For one thing he graduated with a 3.9 grade point average from Ohio State University. He stands 6 foot 6 and he was a third round draft choice of the Phoenix Suns.
Bin Laden also owns 20,000 shares of Exxon-Mobil, 15,000 shares of Blockbuster Videos, and 10,000 shares of the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company makers of Camel Cigarettes.
Ossie as he is known to relatives and close friends has been engaged for six years to Savannah Fanlight, 26, who works as a Hooter's Girl in Lexington, Kentucky.
In a related story. The FBI was able to trace Osama Bin Laden's address through a copy of a receipt that he received from Best Buy Products when he bought his infamous video recorder a year ago.
Bin Laden currently resides at 2949 Cameltoe Road in Chichawatni, Pakistan.