LAREDO, Texas - President Barack Obama visited the border city of Laredo, Texas and told a crowd of over 50,000 that had assembled on Fulano De Tal's 100,000 acre John Doe Ranch that he understands their concern, worry, and apprehension regarding the worst drought to hit the Lone Star state in decades.
The president said that he had been told about cases where full grown adult cattle were so weak that you couldn't even pay them to stampede.
He heard of another case where a Santa Gertrudis bull tore down a barbed wire fence and went into a neighborhood where he miraculously was able to turn on a water faucet.
And he conveyed yet another instance where a Texas Longhorn had actually gone through a McDonald's drive thru and been given a medium sized Diet Sprite Soda.
When the Prez began speaking to the crowd they started chanting "Brobama! Brobama! se llama, (his name is) Brobama!"
The president assured the assembled multitude that he was confident that he would get congressional backing for his proposal to purchase the Amazon Rain Forest and move it to South Texas.
He added that once the Amazon Rain Forest is put in place, Texas and the entire Southwest will never suffer another drought again.
The crowd erupted in thunderous applause and began chanting "Viva Brobama and our pretty First Mama!"
Brobama then said that later in the afternoon he would be traveling up Interstate 35 where he would be addressing a crowd in front of the Alamo in San Antonio.
He said he had been informed that 173 years ago Colonel Davy Crockett and 186 defenders had found themselves in the Alamo surrounded by over 5,000 crack Mexican troops under the command of General Antonio Lopez "Corky" de Santa Ana.
And he disclosed that as they sat around talking about the day's fighting Crockett turned to one of his fellow volunteers Yosef Mordekhai and uttered the now famous words, "You know guys, I think that right now would probably be a damn good time for me to go and get us four or five pizzas."
Crockett of course left to get the pizzas, got caught in wagon train traffic, and was never heard from again.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: President Obama was asked by a reporter for The Laredo Morning Mariachi Messenger how exactly he planned on getting the Amazon Rain Forest from South America to Texas.
Brobama grinned and said that he had already made arrangements with The Union Pacific Railroad to haul the Amazon Rain Forest on 100 gondola railcar unit trains.
He said that they figured that it would probably take a total of about 500 Union Pacific unit trains in order to move the entire Amazon Rain Forest.)