US President Barack Obama has lifted restrictions on federal funding, for research on new stem cell lines in Republican Presidents.
Ex-President George W Bush blocked the use of government money to fund research, saying 'Heck, I don't want no medicinal man messin' around with my brain, or any chimp's brain neither. I might look like a proper fool if it all went wrong, and I got the human cells.'
But President Obama said 'At this moment the full promise of stem cell research is yet to be known, but if there's a chance of a Republican President, or even a Republican Senator, having his brain problems eased due to research, then we must do such research. It's too late for President Reagan, of course, but George is still around, so there's hope for him yet.'
Republican Presidents have long suffered from debilitating ailments, causing difficulties eating food or driving golf caddies, or even pronouncing words correctly in any one sentence, so it is hoped the stem cell research will ease their suffering, and scientists believe there may even be a possibility of Republicans learning how to become able and respected politicians once again.
Speaking from Sacramento, California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said: 'Vee ken doo eet!', and in Texas George 'Dumbya' Bush added 'The Amstel beer cells may be good researches after all. I guess Burger King Obamaha knows what he's doing, after all, he wasn't elected King for nothing.' Many former First Ladies were celebrating at President Obama's announcement.